Hey All

Well, I'm currently homeless and still looking for a job...Any suggestions are gladly accepted....
My son is doing really good. He had some tests done the other day to make sure that he is not behind in speaking and whatnot....Well turns out that even though he is at the top of the 2 year old age group, which basically means that he is at the bottom of the three year age group because he will be 3 on the 21st of next month.
I've slowed down on everything and still working on finding a job, and now finding a place to live. I also have gotten school taken care of and should be getting some money in the next few weeks....and foodstamps in the next week.
I am getting better at my negative attitude, and turning it into a positive attitude, but it is taking some working on....I will write more later when I have time to....Love you all!

Hey All Here's an Update For You

Well the end of May I moved out of my dad's because I was just done with living there, and to answer your question before you ask, I left my son there with my parents. He is better off with them for now until I get my life in order....Still looking for a good guy, and still looking for a job.....
I've been back to my old ways, and no I'm not going to explain it on here. I'm just done with my life at the moment (and no im not suicidal), and I just don't care right now....sorry that this blog is a little depressing but that is my life for you....if you need me you know how to get ahold of me.....if not email me and ask.....love you all and i will get through this eventually

Day 09 A Song You can dance to

I love this song it is just epic

day 08 a song you know all the lyrics to

this song is and always will be in my favoritest song ever....my favorite song may change from week to week, but this one is by far the one that means the most to me.

day 07 make up

a song that reminds you of a certain event

Day 06 A Song That Reminds You of Somewhere

This song reminds me of Oklahoma with my ex husband.

Day 05 A Song That Reminds You of Someone

This song reminds me so much of my brother Michael....RIP 06/29/1979 - 11/24/2004 I love and miss you tons

Day 04 A Song That Makes You Sad

This song rings so true to me, so therefore it makes me sad everytime I hear it.

Day 03 A Song That Makes You Happy

I love this song, and the movie that goes with it.

Day 02 My Least Favorite Song

I really do not, nor have I ever liked this song:

Day 1 My Favorite Song

My favorite song as of right now is by Linkin' Park....It's called Waiting for the End....

30 Day Song Challenge (from facebook)

I am going to do a 30 day song challenge that i got off of facebook...It will be posted here and on facebook. Here is the list:
day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

My life is ok as of right now. I start school again on Tuesday, thankfully. I am excited to get back into school. The only downside is I have to retake more classes than I did before due to the fact than when I changed schools the D's didn't transfer over...Sad day. Michael is getting big, and he is talking a lot more. He talks up a storm all day every day. It is the most adorable thing ever and I am glad that he is getting back on track.

The Past Bites Again

I lost my job on Saturday because of the stupid crap on my background from 4 years ago....I didnt cry this time, or beat myself up over it....I will get out of this cycle of crap....I just need to become determined enough to not let it get me down.
I will survive!!! I must survive for my son, he needs me...

Day 26

My week in great detail.....
Well I guess I'll start with last Friday, given that today is Friday also. Last Friday I spent the day chauferring my siblings around and babysitting them for my step-mom cuz her mom was in the hospital. On Saturday we had our family easter party and my step-mom's mom's house. On Sunday We had easter here at my house with the kids. On Monday I went to Provo to meet with my therapist. On Tuesday I helped with the kids all day so my step-mom could get some rest for work Tuesday night. On Wednesday I chauferred the kids around again...except for Netanya, Shirley picked her up for her field trip. On Thursday I chauferred kids around and played with Michael, and babysat my little sister. My cousin's daughter Chloe came over for a bit (see last post). Then today was AWESOME!!!! I woke up at 650 when my dad left for work to keep an eye on the kids until my step-mom got home at 730...Well at 830 I took the boys to school and when I arrived back home my cousin Emily called and asked if I still needed a job. Well needless to say i am now employed once again (and hopefully it lasts this time.....knock on wood, fingers crossed....and whatnot) at the Super 8 motel here in Lehi....I have to admit working on my feet is going to take a lot of getting used to, but it's a job and I only received two complaints about my rooms from the managers...So yay!!! go me!!!
Well that about sums up my week.....peace out everyone

Day 25

My day in great detail.....
I got up at 6:50 a.m. I went upstairs and poured me a cup of coffee with three scoops of creamer and three scoops of sugar. I played on my computer a bit, until my step-mom got home from work. I got the boys and Michael to eat breakfast at 7:30. I took the boys to school at 8:30....and inbetween the two I watched Law and Order with my step-mom. I fell asleep around 9:30 and could not wake back up except for a little here and there until about 11. Then at 11 I called my step-grandma to try and set up a play date for my little sister and our cousin Chloe. I sat and played on the computer and with Michael until 2, when my aunt finally called and said she was bringing Chloe down to our house. I did my chores that I have to do on a daily basis. Then at 3:15 I left to pick up the boys from school. After they got home I sat and worked on my homework. Then found out that I was suspended temporarily from school. Sat there and watched tv with my step-mom some more. I took Chloe home at 5. Then my dad called at 6:50 and told me to start dinner and he would finish when he got home. So my little sister and I decided what dinner was and started cooking it. My dad got home, he finished helping my sister cook dinner, then we ate. then I sat and watched tv with my dad until my step-mom got out of the shower, then i did my dishes, smoked a cigarette with my dad and now im laying on my bed typing this blog....so there you have my typical day....except for the nap part....that wasn't supposed to happen.

Day 24 catch up

Whatever tickles my fancy....
Well considering this happened today which is day 25 instead of yesterday day 24, I got suspended from school temporarily. I have to wait until July to re-enroll.....but I do get to keep my laptop until I decide if I'm going back or not. Which I totally am going to go back...I need that degree...But these next few months off school will give me a chance to get my life in order. Well that's about it.

Day 23 make up

A youtube video.... I still haven't mastered the art of links to another page, but i'll try to do it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qF_qbaWt3Q

If this link doesn't work then go to youtube and type in waiting for the end and the first video you see will be the song...I love this song more than words can express.

Day 22

A website

My favorite website is youtube.com because I love music, and I cannot go a single day without music.
I also love youtube because I can look up any song that i want to listen to at any given time of the day.

Now onto Easter yesterday
Yesterday was a lot of fun. Michael got a puzzle for us to work on his words with. The kids went hog wild with their candy even though they werent supposed to. Jace got sick cuz of how much candy he ate. It was overall a really good day yesterday. Other than the major migraine that I had all day long. Well, that is about all that is going on in my life as of right now...Until tomorrow then

Day 21 catch up

A recipe
2 cup dice ham
2 dice potatoe
1 cup onion finely chopped
1 cup celery finely diced
3/4 cup butter
3/4 cup flour
1 quart half and half
1 1/2 teaspoon salt
pepper to taste

cook veggies in pot barely covered in water
simmer them until tender
in diff. pot melt butter add flour and blend then add half and half slowly stirring until smooth
then add the rest and heat until warm

This stuff is amazing. I love this recipe so much!

Day 20 and Easter Party

A hobby of mine.
I am not really sure what kind of hobbies I have. I do love to crochet though.

I also collect toy cars, pens, markers, and sharpies.

Now onto the Easter party. We had our annual Easter Egg hunt/party at Grandma Sudweeks' house today. I got to help hide the eggs all over the yard, and then I got to take my cute cousin Caliea (not sure if that is spelled right or not) to pick up her eggs. She is 8 months old, and soooooo freaking adorable. After I helped her with her eggs, I went and helped my step-mom and son find his eggs. He was so cute. I would point to an egg and ask him "Michael what is that?" and he would look at me and say "An EGG!!!" all excited...He was so cute. All of the kids had fun with the hunt, and us adults had fun hiding them for them. We had to do it in sections though, so that the older kids wouldn't run over the younger ones. We hid Caliea, Michael, and Deion's eggs in the front yard, Chloe and Nattie's in the side yard, and Cody, Jace, and Kenya's in the back yard. Me and Kjira had fun trying to find difficult places to hide the big kids' eggs. We just put all of the littlest kids' eggs basically in plain sight so that they wouldnt have any problems finding them. Well I would show you pictures of Easter, but they are on my Aunt's camera....maybe I'll see if she will let me download them onto the computer so I can show you. Well, goodnight all and Happy Easter tomorrow!

Day 19

A Talent of Mine
My talent, is writing. I love to write, stories, poems, just write in general. I will post a few of my poems (and if I've already posted them I'm sorry short term memory sucks).

Dreams and Blood

Here I sit, still breathing

Am I bleeding

Or just dreaming

Everything seems so surreal

I must not reveal

This side of me

For you to see

I am protecting myself

My life keeps turning on itself

Here I sit, still breathing

Am I bleeding

Or just dreaming

It felt so real

Here’s the deal

I’m fighting inside

To relax on the outside

Here I sit, still breathing

Am I bleeding

Or just dreaming

What has happened to me

It was clearly not meant to be

So now I must relax

Not hide behind the mask

Here I sit, still breathing

Am I bleeding

Or just dreaming 

Forgive

Those vows that I promised you

And you made those promises too

Why cant we just make things right

To be together tonight

I miss you so bad it hurts

The past, just skirts

Passed my mind so I can forgive you

Can you forgive me too

I said a lot of horrible things

Those words I did not mean

That was my way of dealing

My way of healing

My heart cannot heal this time

Without you by my side

Will you come back to me

To be together and set this pain free

Life it seems to keep dragging me down

I feel like such a clown

For sticking a knife

In our life

Together is where we belong

As a family all along

Just you, me and baby makes three

Three of us together for all enternity

I love you, don’t you see

Can you ever forgive me?

My life without you

Is an endless sea of blue

Depression and misery

Is all that is left of me

Wanting to go back

Get myself on track

Loving you is all I can do

To get out of the blue

Without you my life is pointless

When can I end this madness

Emotions inside my head screaming

They are beginning teaming

Against me to push me to the brink

The edge of the rink

In my life words cannot describe

The way I feel inside

You're feedback is welcome. I would like to know what you think of my poems.

Day 18 make up

Whatever tickles your fancy
Lets see.....I started a new term at school this week. I got back on my celexa and probably be getting on some other meds next month, so hopefully things start looking up from here. Still been pretty depressed and hiding inside my head, but I will prevail and get through this.
I am having a hard time letting myself let go of Gary. I still love him and I probably always will considering the fact that I have a son with him.
Well I will leave you with a few pics of my beautiful son Michael:

Day 17

An art piece.
I chose the Mona Lisa. I am not sure why, but this painting has always stood out in my mind, and I really like it. So here it is:

Day 16

A song that makes you cry or nearly.
There are quite a few different songs that make me cry.
Bring me to life by Evanescence would definately be the #1 song that makes me cry though.
My most favorite song Waiting for the End is definately a song that makes me cry too, when I allow it to that is. Here is the link for Bring me to life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YxaaGgTQYM

Day 15

A fan

I had a fan similar to this out in Oklahoma....or at least I think I did....I dont remember...These fans are awesome, whether I was the one who owned it or I knew someone who did...

Day 14 make up

A non-fictional book
The only non-fictional book that I can think of is my textbooks from school. I am loving to learn all these new things.
I am learning so much, and I love learning about the criminal justice field and it makes me extremely happy.

Day 13

A fictional book
There are a lot of books that I love to read. These books are the ones I'm reading right now.

My friend Travis gave me this set of books, and I'm done with This Present Darkness and I am currently reading Piercing the Darkness and I have to say they are both really good books.
My favorite fictional books of all time that I love are the Harry Potter books

This picture is missing the seventh book, but I do love all seven of them.
I love books, and that is the only ones I can think of off the top of my head.

Day 12

Whatever tickles your fancy
Well, right now I haven't been doing much other than playing dumb games on facebook. I've become addicted to this game called monster galaxy. It's kind of like pokemon. You go through these quests to capture mogas. I really like the game. I have also became addicted to a game called warflow. You go around and wage war and try to take over the country. I also play Uno Boost. That game is definately very interesting.
Other than that I have not much going on, except for this dumb diet the whole family is on now. I don't get to eat very much anymore, so I'm hungry all the time, and the worse part is.....no soda....it sucks.
Michael is getting big and being a pain as usual. He is so adorable though so its hard to get mad at him. He put our cordless phone in a cup of coffee for some reason today.
My dad broke his phone so now he has to use a pink razor phone....I think its funny that my dad, who is a very manly man has to have a pink phone, but they can't afford another phone right now so that is what he is stuck with temporarily.
Life is getting better slowly, still missing my ex like crazy, but I have at least accepted the fact that there will never again be an "us" but it's all good. Eventually I'll move on and not miss him as much anymore. It's just really hard right now.
Well, that is about it as far as my life goes right now. I'll leave you with a baby picture of Michael.

This is one of the first times that gary held michael. he was 5 months old....he is soooo small in this photo....but yeah, that's my baby

Day 11

A photo taken of you recently

This picture was taken by my cousin Shiloh Schow. It was taken back in October, but I dont have a newer one of me. I need to invest in a camera so that I can take more pictures of my adorable son, and of course myself...I love this picture. It is one of my favs that Shiloh took that day.

Day 10

A photo of you over ten years ago
Well I could not find one of me from that long ago from the lack there of....so here is the oldest pic I have of me...It was taken before I found out I was pregnant with Michael, but I was pregnant at the time...It's of me, Gary, and our cat Sam....

I miss those days......for many different reasons

Day 09

A photo that I took

This was taken over at my friend Melissa's house....I have no idea why he climbed into the dog kennel or why he shut the door on himself...but I thought it was the cutest thing ever, so I grabbed her camera and took a picture...He is such an adorable little brat....

Day 08

A photo that makes you angry/sad

Almost nothing makes me angrier or sadder than abused animals. I love animals and I dont really like to eat meat. I eat it, but those animals were bred to eat. Dogs, cats, etc. do not deserve to be treated badly. So this picture would depict the thing that makes me the angriest.

Day 07

A picture that makes me happy
I would have to say that my son is the one thing that makes me the happiest. I love him with all my heart and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the whole world. He is my knight in shining armor, and I will always have him to love me, no matter how many times I get my heart trampled by guys. He will always be my rock to hold me down to earth. He is the reason I wake up each morning, and he is the reason that I try so hard in my life. Without him, I would not be.

This picture was taken back in October 2010. My bestest friend/cousin Shiloh Schow took this picture of him for me. This is by my shed in the backyard of my parent's house in Lehi. He just looks so dang adorable in this picture.

Day 06

Today is just whatever tickles my fancy. Well the best thing in my life right now is my son. He is my pride and joy, and I love him with all my heart.
Just this morning he woke me up by grabbing my arm and saying "Momma wake up Momma." He is so adorable. He scared the crap out of me when I woke up though, cuz his hands were ice cold on my arm.
Here are my favorite pictures of my little man:

This picture was taken at my friend Melissa's house. I was bored so I was taking a multitude of pictures of just me and my lil man. This was taken in September of 2010

This picture was us camping at Wister Lake with my cousin Mac, and his boys, and Gary. I was going to the van to get some stuff out and Michael came to help me. This picture was taken in March 2009

My step-mom took this picture of my little brother Cody and Michael with Vampire teeth. They are just so dang cute.

This is by far my favorite picture of him. I told him to look at me so I could take a picture and he jumped at me and yelled, "Hiiiyyyaaaa!" like a ninja...He is so freaking adorable.

This is my little man on his first birthday. He literally had cake all over his head and hands. It was so freaking adorable.

And this is his second birthday. He wasn't so sure about his cake after my step-mom put his face in it. He is getting so big. And I find it funny that on both his birthday's he is wearing a tank top...Well I guess that just comes with having a birthday in August hehe.
Well I have a multitude of other photos of my son, but these are just my absolute favorites.